Tdy's papers were pretty ok. The atmosphere was rather tense when everyone started scribbling endlessly and putting all they've learnt into work. I seriously am excited for the O's though I'm not yet prepared (WOW) So, baby and I head to Queensway for curry chicken after school. Yummmmm :) Head home to rest then met again for jiding. Wahaha. I read thru' some of my cheena notes with baby's constant reminders to study hard. Every paragraph, one (K) Aww. Kay, I'm waiting for him to pompom. So longgggggg...

Many many (L),
Jazreel

P.S the first is 2days away!! hehehee, baby (K) Oh, Lynnnn too! Wahaha.

Why?

'Why', the cause or intention underlying an action or situation. 

'Trust', the trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others. 

'Fear', an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight. 

You must be wondering why I'm starting this post with these 3 words. Well, being an extremely sensitive person, I tend to look beyond the surfaces of everything. It could even mean trying to understand the purpose and intentions of a person's actions/situations that could mean the least. 

Am I starting to sound like I'm a psycho? 

-No, I'm deep and looking at things from a diff perspective from the norm.  

So now, do you find it really hard to know what I'm thinking about most of the time? 

-Honestly, if I'm my own friend, yes (very). 

I felt something or more of rather something bad(to me), more than half a year back. In the beginning, I thought nothing of it but somehow, this person's action is starting to make me believe that what I felt is true. Someone, the very least expected, hurting me whether realizing or not. These little incidents happened so many times before me. I just wonder if this person knows where to toe the line. I just can't bring myself to believe that it's true. It's happening...

Allowing without fear,

Jazreel

It's ourselves whom we conquer.

What's up? I just did a lil' bit on math. The prelims are just 9 days away and I don't feel like I've started revision when I did quite a lot already. I can still remember quite a lot from the various topics taught last year. But still, I can't be complacent. I gotta work hard towards my dream and that is to roam the world with the person I love. I'm gonna have to be super loaded with cash, knowledge and be street smart. 

But sometimes, I wonder if I would ever have the guts to leave for another country without my parents. Other than overseas camps, I haven't been far away from their sight. To me, they are not just parents but my best friends whom I can fully rely on. I love it that they're are always so understanding and they hardly ever raise their voices unless they hit the roof to the max. Anyway, I have to start to learn to be self-reliant. I'll leave with the first few words by Edmund Hilary when he reached on top of Mount Everest. 

He said, "It's not the mountains we conquer, but ourselves."   

Love, Jazreel

Lights will guide you home

When he tries his best but he doesn't succeed
When he gets what he wants but not what he needs
When he feels so tired but he can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

& the tears come streaming down his face
When he loses something he can't replace
When he loves someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worst?

& high up above or down below
When he's too in love to let it go
But if he never tries he'll never know
Just what he's worth

Tears stream down his face
He promises her he'll learn from his mistakes

I'm the happiest girl to meet someone like him. He's been putting a facade so well that everyone doesn't see past it and even sometimes, he starts to believe it. Nobody really knows him, just the mask he puts on. Being a guy makes it harder for him as well. All he could do is to just find a way to push through and continue the act. I should have known how he felt. Pushing on and on. I truly am the most fortunate girl. & yes, it's amazes me that I finally understand by listening to his favorite band. Baby, you know I love you so. Love you so...

Loving you,
Jazreel

Where she follows, you'll go.

Lately, I've been under so much stress that I actually found myself crying in my sleep so many times. What's wrong?

If only I had a clue to who your friends are, I wouldn't be feeling what I'm feeling right now.
If only I knew what it's like loving me then I wouldn't make it hard.
If only I knew how hard it is to read my expressions.
If only I knew how much you worry you won't be able to see my face light up again.
If only I could take this nightmare away.
If only I'm not gonna break down right now.

This is my achilles' heels. It's like being at the highest point of the roller coaster and this feeling is the gravity, robbing away my energy so quickly. You're the only one who could pick me up and pull me right on track. I really hate that this just sucks the life out of me. I hate being so extremely vulnerable to this despite being able to stand strong even when my friends and I fall out. I guess it's because I know it myself that that was something I had control over. For this, I just fail no matter how hard I try but I'll never ever give up trying. I know there would be a way to fight this but it's just so hard. So very hard, baby. If only you knew...

Nobody said it was easy,
no one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the stars.

Into fragments and pieces,
Jazreel

Nonsenseeeeeeeeeeee

I'm so tired when I barely did anything much today. I won't be going for cip with the girls tmr because of tuition -.- Urghhhhhh, this is nonsense. I've nothing else to blog about. This post is crap. Anyway, that's me in sec 1 in the picture above. Eeyyyyyeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Love, Jazreel

Omgomgomg, a lady buggie flew onto my nose! 

Rolie Polie Olie.

 

It has been a pretty long day for me. There was remedial after school and I had tuition in the evening. As I'm typing this, I'm watching a very nice cheena show called Royal Embroidery. It's so touching. Oh yes, it's baby Zoe in the pictures above. She's so adorable. She really knows how to pose for the camera right! It's gonna be another long day tomorrow again. 16th annual sports day... Baby's gonna come over after school! Hehee. I might be heading to hub after sports day with the girls to catch 17 Again :)

Love, Jazreel 

Which side of the scale?

As I was typing this entire chunk, I realized that I would always start with the topic "school" in every of my post. I mean school was meant to be fun and exciting for everyone. Well, it still is but my life is starting to get monotonous. I'm searching for a way to break the cycle and probably, pick up a new skill like learning how to play the acoustic guitar. However, any of my plans to add colors to my life are always ruined by the ever so scary O's. Hence, I can't freaking wait for it to be over! I would have the time in the world to do anything I want! Even if it means, walking in slow motion from one side of town to the other while the rest are hurrying to grab a coffee from Starbucks during their lunch breaks in hope that caffine would wake their senses and give them the drive to work harder than a robot. Wait a minute, ain't that totally ridiculous? I'm sure I'd have something much better to do than that! *evil laugh*

Friend's friend, a sincere thank you.

(If you're reading this) Baby, I'm really sorry for the times I've been so anal, needy and stubborn. I've been trying my very best to not get those over me and it really saddens me that sometimes, I just let the emotions slip without sparing a thought for you. Whenever we have a tiff, my face would start showing (you know what I mean) I get really mad at myself and wishing so badly if only you could see how disappointed I am at myself for failing to make things right every time. Nevertheless, you've stood by me and never fail to be here. Be it, to share those happy moments of my life together or just watch me pour my feelings, hold me tight and wipe those tears ever so with grace. Like I've said before, "I love you for the part of me that you bring out." and "Love gives us strength and courage." I love you so much, baby. *Big kiss* (K)

I think I'm falling ill, my throat tickles. I'ma pack my bag and lie on the bed. & shit, there's tuition tomorrow. Urgh, what a burden.

P.S. My posts are indeed getting more and more wordy. I've not been taking pictures! Oh and Hi Audrey, I know you're reading this :)

Love, Jazreel

I should know that you're not gonna change.

School went past rather quickly today. Oh man, talking 'bout school. I need inspiration for my drawings. I gotta head out! Urgh. It's so frustrating to know that without an inspiration, I wouldn't be able to meet the deadline. & guess what? So many people aren't on task! C'mon, we can do this! 

Deadline: 21st April'09

Hmm, I wonder why it's called deadline. Does it mean we're gonna be at the line of death? Wtfff, this is so random.

I happened to know somebody who treasures friendships and they really do mean a lot to him. He has a girlfriend who's pretty much sensitive. It really hurts her to see that he tells so much more things to her friends instead of her. Hmm, what should she do? How should she be feeling?

The words in italic might help in my drawings. Please do me a huge favour by tagging me the answers to the questions on my tagboard? Thanks a million! :)

Love, Jazreel 

Bachelors & Masters.

YES YES YES YES YES 

LASALLE will be the one I'm aiming and yearning to be enrolled in, so badly.

Fashion design, wooooohooooooo.

I'll put my all in art now.

Oh, lasalle lasalle lasalle...

I'm coming! 

Love, Jazreel

Menage A Trois

15o2 hours

I'd be lying if I said I got hit by stress. (Okay, not really) Rather, I'm stressing out more on why I haven't even started revision. (Yes, I get it now) I'd always say I'll study but end up beaten by distractions and temptations. It could be as simple as just looking at my comfy bed and just lay down for a lil' while but end up falling asleep :$

Anyways, my family helped boost the economy by going for a shopping spree at town last evening. I bought shoes, flip-flops and body wear which just so happens to get me to be a member of sloggi. How's that? -.- We picked baby up and head to my place. We studied for a itsy bitsy while before having fun. 

Guess what? My family (including baby) is heading to haji next week! Wahaha. & 'hot fudge' the next weekend right baby? ^^ I'm so looking forward for family fun weekends :)

Love, Jazreel   

She'll sing...

I decided to drop by just before I off the laptop. Life's getting harder these days but it'll all get better in time right? I know there's a lot for me out there to do but somehow, I feel I just don't. I'm starting to panic as each day passes and the O's drawing nearer. Where do I start? 

She did everything to try and fit in,

but the others just couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched.

& she would close her eyes when they left and she fell down the stairs.

The more that they joked and the more that they screamed,

She retreated to where she is now.

Though she smiles, there is something just hiding and she can't find a way to relate.

XO,

Jazreel

 

Demeaned, constricted or attacked?

The day went by rather quickly considering the fact that my lids were so heavy after staying up late last night drawing. I wasn't really drained off after the 2.4km run but was finding difficulty breathing. Oh hommies, thanks for your concern! :) 

She's like a human black hole which suddenly comes out of nowhere and just suck the life out of me. No matter how hard I try to stay positive and remain strong, her negativity ends up just completely draining me. Feeling exhausted more than ever, I sense prickly off-putting vibes, I just can't wait to get away from.

I find that the "universe" uses negative people as the way to get me to move on whenever I'm getting comfortable in a situation that isn't challenging anymore. It's like a prod that I should be focusing more on my dream rather than just getting caught up in a nice, comfortable routine that isn't getting me anywhere. If I didn't have these people, then I'd probably just stay. So, sometimes I'm really grateful to these people because they're giving me the "kick" that I need. 

I'll smile and remain completely detached.

p.s. I'm sorry that my posts are getting wordy as the days passes.

Love, Jazreel.

I can see it there within my reach.

I caught Shinjuku Incident with the boys last night. I didn't know it was rated nc16 till we were stopped by the ushers. The movie is so damn gruesome, violent and brutal. I advise people who aren't used to seeing slashes of blood and body parts flying everywhere not to watch! Urgh. Overall, I'd say Jackie Chan and his partner are awesome to produce such a movie which got everyone glued. It kind of reminds me of Final Destination 3 though. I'm so dreading 2.4km run tmr. I'm gonna literally fall short of breath in just a few metres. By the way, there's something that's making me laugh so badly right now!!! Hahaha, I'm not gonna tell you! Secret la!

I'm ready for the pressure,

the drama and the pleasure.

Got my whole life here in front of me,

I'm taking over when I hit the streets.

Love, Jazreel

 

High rise, overtime.

Watching the world pass, I'd thought I've got it figured out. Sometimes, I do get to the point where both choices are not possible but what can I do. People do make wrong presumptions right? The word 'regret' is huge deal to me. It's because I know that I must've been happy or clear that if I were to make a decision then, it's the best for me and everyone around me. Here's the thing, I've so much on my mind now. 

In this frenzy outta control.

I'ma stay in pursuit, do what I gotta do.

XO,

Jazreel

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.

It's the 2nd of April. Looking back, time really flies. I gotta start bucking up and study real hard. You know, I've never kept my words to this. I get outta bed early for school everyday and by the last lesson, I feel like I've just ran a psycho marathon. Sometimes, life just gets too much in the way to do things we really want. Then, adds up to our wish list that we seldom get to make it come true before we die. I just wonder why there are sayings like, "Wishes do come true". As I got older, I finally realize that fairy tales are nothing but lies. Poor young innocent minds.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,

We'll close our eyes and escape this town for a little while...

Love, Jazreel